Road Scholars
Road Scholars is a chatroom/ill-advised social experiment moderated by McKain and QueenTakesRook. History The origins of Road Scholars are shrouded in the mists of time and obscurity. In its current incarnation, the room is run by McKain, a refugee/exile from League of Gamers, who assumed power in a (debateably) bloodless coup in the summer of 2008. Since then, numerous sources agree that things have only gotten worse. Lawlessness, terror and rampant gay innuendo stalk the landscape, as aid agencies refuse to risk sending in personnel. This suits the room's regulars perfectly, as their caustic and misanthropic nature puts them largely at odds with the outside world, any incursion from which will likely be met with a combination of threats of violence, rapier wit and common-or-garden mockery. Technology Attempts have occasionally been made to drag Road Scholars kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Most notable have been the forays into robotics by McKain and burnme, creating McAble (latterly iPal) and BurnBot. BurnBot has since been removed by its creator following a dispute over the inclusion in its vocabulary of a reference to a type of Chinese sailing vessel. iPal, now having a monopoly, offers a calculator, reports when it has last seen a given user, and simulates the throws of dice. Some critics point out that the tea and coffee making facilities leave a lot to be desired, however. Law Enforcement Of questionable efficacy. In the event of spamming or trolling, the promptest response is typically offered by Road Scholar regulars turning out with pitchforks and lit torches to remove the miscreant, or at least damage his self-esteem to the point that he begins to question the meaning of life itself. This typically results in a swift (or at least entertaining) resolution, without the need to involve Kongregate mods (pictured to the right). Room Culture Road Scholars are typically sarcastic, irreverent, disdainful of anything not directly beneficial to their own lives, and sex-obsessed. Asking for game help will typically be met with the same response as politely enquiring of a vicar whether you might violently sodomise his wife and daughter and then clean yourself off on his curtains afterwards. Despite this attitude (or perhaps because of it), Scholars are typically welcoming to newcomers, providing they have an IQ greater than that of a glass of water. The conversation, inasmuch as it deserves the term, is driven by the twin influences of the Dada movement and mescaline, akin to a highly-intellectual professor of art, specialising in the works of the lesser-known pre-Raphaelites, after having had his drink spiked with cheap vodka. It may be the only room on Kongregate where the lesser works of Moliere have been mentioned in the same breath as duct-taping unruly children to walls and dropping sailing boats onto Americans from a cargo plane. Notable Scholars Given that most regulars will never amount to anything, it is highly suspect as to whether there is such a thing as a truly notable Road Scholar. Nonetheless, we offer the following examples (in no particular order), intended solely as cautionary tales: McKain The room owner, and Acting Ban Dispenser, 2nd Class. May be easily exploited via his deep-seated (and bordering on the pathological) love of upcoming game, Borderlands. QueenTakesRook Fairly recently modded, as of going to press. Universally loved, except by trolls. JeniFire/Fuego_Caliente Thus far, the only regular demonstrably capable of acting like a responsible adult, by virtue of having successfully made babies in her tummy. Missus of burnme. Ghostduckie Simultaneously the best and worst features of Road Scholars. He enjoys long walks on the beach, and eating bread crumbs. PurpleAlex Born in the United Kingdom in 1991, PurpleAlex strives to describe chatrooms in the manner of Jane Austin asking Jeeves for his daughter's hand in marriage. PurpleAlex has also been known as DarkAdrien's Shadow, DarkAdriens stalker or groupy, and has been qouted "I will do 'anything' for and with DarkAdrien." Danbuckley5 The other other British one. Apparently not very interesting, since that's literally all I could think of when it came to describing him. But I just checked his profile; holy shit, level 36?! A man with too much time on his hands. Terrenae Lives in France, where she spends most of her time trying to stop PurpleAlex from stealing her boyfriend. ChaoticCrusade Your typical self-entitled, self-absorbed, nerdy Scholar. An all-around stand-up guy. Knux A regular whose chief interests are grooming his oversized mane and evangelising for Rise Against. Silviar Awesomeness personified. Talented at appearing in the room, seemingly from out of thin air. May be a ninja or mythical beast. Boredom_Man An excellent regular, but sub-par superhero. Has also succeeded in doing the horizontal monster mash and making a kid. Kudos. Dionysus128 A social experiment created by Boredom_Man to study the social experiment that is Road Scholars, he performs social experiments on road scholars. But what he really wants to do is direct. merlinseras The jury is still out on his emo status. May or may not be a wizard or mage. DrEed By his own admission, a lover of wombats (wombatophile? check this - ed.). Is on some manner of police database because of this. madpraxis I don't know how to describe him, and his profile is blank. So... well, he's definitely a regular. Yes, he shows up sometimes. Which is nice. Triscuit113 Keanu Reeves for a new generation.